Couples Therapy in Manchester & Online
I offer couples therapy in Manchester city centre and online, helping couples work through communication difficulties, repeated conflict, loss of trust, intimacy issues and other relationship problems. With more than 20 years' experience as an accredited counsellor and psychotherapist, I provide a neutral, confidential space where both partners can feel heard and work towards greater understanding.
How relationships develop
Couples often begin by feeling strongly attracted to one another. In the early stages of a relationship, excitement and passion can make differences between partners seem relatively unimportant. As the relationship deepens, however, attraction is joined by attachment, and each partner may increasingly look to the other for companionship, nurture, meaning and a sense of security.
We are biopsychosocial beings, shaped by our biology, our upbringing, our relationships and the social and cultural environments in which we've lived. From these experiences we develop expectations about relationships: what love looks like, how people should behave towards one another, what we need from a partner and what makes us feel safe.
Sometimes, the behaviour of one partner clashes with the needs of the other and they begin to feel unsafe. When that happens, the partner who feels unsafe naturally tries to restore their sense of security. They may ask their partner to change; if asking doesn't work, they may plead, criticise, demand, bully or try to manipulate them into changing. But what would make one partner feel safer may make the other feel less safe. The relationship can then become caught in a struggle in which both people are trying to protect themselves, while each experiences the other's attempts at self-protection as part of the problem.
Relationship problems usually aren’t just about the last argument. They’re about a pattern of behaviour that’s built up over time: feeling unheard, misunderstood, unappreciated; in a word, unsafe. The more one pushes, the more the other retreats; and both end up lonely.
It can show up as:
- constant bickering,
- cold distance,
- loss of intimacy,
- resentment,
- mistrust,
- jealousy,
- money rows,
- parenting conflict
- or feeling like you’re living with a flatmate.
Often the real issue underneath is a sense of safety: “Do you see me? Do I matter to you? Can I rely on you?”
How I work with couples
After more than 20 years of working with couples in Manchester and online, my approach is to help two people narrow the gap between them – from what may have come to feel like an unbridgeable chasm to something more akin to a crack between the flagstones in a pavement.
An important part of that process is helping each partner to communicate respectfully and, just as importantly, to really hear what the other has to say. Somewhere in their past they felt sufficiently close to choose one another. Couples therapy can provide a space in which they begin to listen again; not simply waiting for their turn to reply, defend themselves or prove their point, but trying to understand the hopes and fears of the person sitting opposite them.
My job isn't to take sides, deciding that one partner is right and the other wrong. It's to help each recognise the other as a separate and independent person: not a clone of themselves, but someone with a history, needs, fears, values and ways of seeing the world that may be different from their own.
A close relationship doesn't require two people to become the same. Rather, they choose to share substantial parts of their lives because the attachment between them can provide companionship, intimacy, security and comfort in simply being together.
At its best, the relationship can become a safe place to which both can withdraw from the cut and thrust of everyday life: somewhere to rest, recharge their batteries and regain their strength before going back out to face the demands and difficulties of the world.
"It’s dynamically different to one-to-one counselling because there are three people in the room, but it shares the same values: confidentiality, a code of ethics, and a focus on you and your needs. What it’s not about is the opinions or preferred outcomes of the counsellor." – David Peak
What is couples therapy?
Watch this video from the Counselling Directory to understand more about couples counselling and some of the myths surrounding it, to help you decide if this type of counselling is right for you.
How can couples therapy help?
Couples come to therapy for many different reasons. Some are struggling with repeated arguments or a gradual loss of closeness; others are dealing with an affair, loss of trust, sexual or emotional intimacy, changes in family life or uncertainty about whether the relationship has a future. Sometimes there's been no particular crisis – the relationship simply no longer feels as comfortable, supportive or enjoyable as it once did.
Couples therapy doesn't begin with an assumption that the relationship must be preserved at all costs. Sometimes the work is about rebuilding closeness; sometimes it's about deciding whether two people still want a future together. My role is to help both partners understand more clearly what's happening between them and what each needs from the relationship.
What to expect
Your first therapy session provides an opportunity for:
- each partner to state without interruption what's troubling them in the relationship;
- each partner to describe how the difficulties may be affecting them; and
- both to discuss with me the most appropriate way forward.
There's no obligation to commit to further therapy. The focus is on identifying an approach that's likely to be effective for you.
If further therapy sessions are agreed, after the first session I see the couple individually for the next two sessions and they come together again for the fourth. If further sessions are needed they may be as a couple or as individuals again, depending on what the joint session brings up.
Couples therapist in Manchester city centre
I'm an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, with over 20 years' experience working with individuals and couples experiencing a wide range of relationship difficulties.
I offer face-to-face couples therapy from my practice at 49 Piccadilly, Manchester M1 2AP, close to Piccadilly Gardens and Manchester Piccadilly station. I also work with couples online via Zoom or WhatsApp.
Ready to transform your relationships?
If you're considering couples therapy, a brief initial consultation can help you decide whether this approach feels right for you.
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Frequently asked questions about couples therapy
Couples therapy gives you both a safe, neutral space to talk openly about the difficulties in your relationship. I'll help you identify patterns in the way you communicate and respond to each other, understand why conflicts arise or escalate, and explore ways to make positive changes.
The aim is not to decide who's right or wrong, but to help both partners feel heard and develop a clearer understanding of themselves, each other and their relationship.
Couples therapy usually involves both partners attending sessions together, but this isn't always possible or appropriate. If your partner is reluctant to attend, you can begin by coming to see me on your own. Sometimes a partner chooses to join the therapy later, and individual sessions can also be used alongside couples sessions where appropriate.
Couples therapy can help with many different relationship difficulties, including repeated arguments, communication problems, loss of trust, emotional distance, intimacy difficulties and feeling stuck in the same patterns.
You don't need to wait until your relationship reaches crisis point. Relationship counselling can also be helpful if you simply feel that something has changed between you and want to understand each other better.
Yes. An affair or other breach of trust can have a profound effect on a relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship has to end. Couples therapy can provide a safe place to explore what's happened, understand its impact on both partners and consider what would be needed to rebuild trust. It can also help you make clearer decisions about the future of your relationship.
No. My role as a couples therapist is not to persuade you to stay together or to separate, and I don't take sides. For some couples, therapy helps them overcome their difficulties and build a stronger relationship. For others, it may help them recognise that separating is the right choice. The aim is to help you understand what's happening between you and make decisions that are right for both of you.
Every couple and relationship is different, so there's no fixed number of sessions. Some couples find that a relatively small number of sessions helps them understand what's been going wrong and begin making meaningful changes, while more complex or long-standing difficulties may take longer. We can discuss what you hope to achieve at the beginning of therapy and review your progress as the work develops.
I offer face-to-face couples therapy from my practice at 49 Piccadilly, Manchester M1 2AP, close to Piccadilly Gardens and within easy reach of Manchester Piccadilly station. I also offer online couples therapy if attending in person is difficult or you'd simply prefer to have your sessions remotely.
I offer a free 15-minute initial conversation so that you can tell me a little about what's happening in your relationship, ask any questions you have and get a sense of whether working together feels right for you. You can then decide whether you'd like to arrange your first couples therapy session.
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