Woman reflecting on her adverse childhood experiences

Adverse Childhood Experiences: Why Childhood Can Continue to Shape Adult Behaviour

Many people who come to therapy are surprised to discover that the anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown or chronic self-criticism they’ve battled for years are not character flaws at all, but adaptations that once helped them survive difficult childhood environments.

During more than 20 years as a BACP accredited counsellor and psychotherapist in Manchester, I’ve worked with many adults who believe their childhood is “behind them”. Yet, despite successful careers, marriages and families, they continue to struggle with anxiety, relationship difficulties, low self-esteem, emotional overwhelm or a persistent sense that they’re never quite good enough. In many cases, these difficulties often have their roots in adverse experiences that occurred in childhood, sometimes fifty years or more before.

It is an understandable assumption. If difficult experiences happened decades ago, surely they should no longer matter. Yet one of the most consistent observations in my clinical practice is that unresolved childhood adversity often continues to shape adult life in ways people do not immediately recognise.

Yet, research over the past 30 years has shown something very different. The psychological consequences of chronic stress from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can continue to influence a person’s physical health, emotional wellbeing, relationships and even life expectancy many decades after the events themselves have passed into history.

The concept of Adverse Childhood Experiences entered mainstream medicine following the landmark study by Dr Vincent Felitti and colleagues, published in 1998. Their research, involving more than 17,000 participants, demonstrated a strong relationship between childhood adversity and a wide range of physical and mental health problems later in life. Since then, hundreds of studies around the world have confirmed and expanded upon those findings.

Perhaps the most surprising finding is that the legacy of these experiences is not just a memory, but as Alan Schore points out in his book, it becomes embedded in the developing brain and body. Repeated stress during childhood shapes the developing brain, nervous system and immune system, while the internal models of the world formed during this period continue to influence how survivors perceive threat, relate to others and regulate their emotions throughout adult life.

What Are Adverse Childhood Experiences?

Adverse childhood experiences, usually shortened to ACEs, are stressful or traumatic events that occur before the age of 18.

The original ACE study identified ten categories, including:

  • Physical abuse
  • Emotional abuse
  • Sexual abuse
  • Physical neglect
  • Emotional neglect
  • Domestic violence
  • Living with a parent affected by mental illness
  • Parental substance misuse
  • Separation or divorce
  • Having a family member imprisoned

Many children also experience other significant adversities that can have equally profound effects, including bullying, bereavement, chronic illness, poverty, community violence, discrimination or growing up in an environment where they rarely felt emotionally safe.

One adverse event does not automatically lead to lifelong difficulties. Children are remarkably resilient. However, when adversity is repeated, prolonged or occurs without the protection of safe, supportive adults, it can alter the way the developing brain learns to respond to the world.

The Developing Brain Learns What’s Normal

A young child’s brain is constantly adapting to its environment. If that environment is calm, predictable and nurturing, the child’s nervous system learns that people are generally safe, emotions can be regulated and problems can be solved. If, however, a child grows up in an environment characterised by fear, unpredictability, criticism, neglect, violence or emotional inconsistency, the brain learns a very different lesson.

Instead of preparing for learning, exploration and healthy relationships, it becomes increasingly skilled at detecting danger. This adaptation is not a flaw. It’s an intelligent survival response. The difficulty is that nervous system responses designed to survive childhood may continue operating in the same way long after the danger has disappeared.

Fortunately, the brain is not fixed or unchangeable. Throughout life it retains the ability to reorganise itself in response to experience. Norman Doidge has shown how this capacity for neuroplasticity allows the brain to develop new and healthier patterns of functioning. Approaches such as Neurofeedback and The Tomatis® Method seek to harness this natural ability to promote recovery and improved emotional wellbeing.

Survival Responses That Become Permanent Habits

Many adults who experienced childhood adversity describe patterns such as:

  • Constant anxiety or worrying
  • Difficulty relaxing
  • Feeling emotionally numb
  • Always expecting something to go wrong
  • Being overly independent and unable to ask for help
  • Becoming people-pleasers
  • Struggling to trust others
  • Becoming excessively self-critical
  • Avoiding conflict at all costs
  • Feeling overwhelmed by relatively minor stresses

These reactions often made perfect sense when they first developed. A child who is hypervigilant may avoid punishment. A child who suppresses emotions may avoid attracting attention. A child who constantly pleases others may reduce conflict at home. The problem is that these strategies frequently continue into adulthood, where they can interfere with relationships, careers and emotional wellbeing.

Father and daughter walking hand in hand

Why Childhood Trauma Can Still Affect Someone Late in Life

One question clients often ask is:

“Why am I still reacting like this when the events happened so long ago?”

The answer lies partly in the way our brains store emotional learning. The predominant part of the brain’s information processing occurs outside our conscious awareness. Although we may rarely think about our childhood experiences, the brain and nervous system continue to operate according to patterns that were established during those formative years. Current situations that resemble earlier experiences—even in subtle ways—can automatically trigger old survival responses.

A disagreement with a partner may evoke feelings of helplessness learned as a child. Constructive criticism from a manager may produce overwhelming shame. A crowded supermarket may activate the same physiological alarm system that once helped someone cope with an unpredictable home. The adult understands intellectually that the present situation is different; but the legacy from the experiences of childhood embedded in their nervous system may not.

The Hidden Cost of High Functioning

Many people affected by ACEs appear highly successful. They may build careers, raise families and become respected professionals. Outwardly they seem to be coping well. Yet, internally they often describe living with:

  • Chronic anxiety
  • Perfectionism
  • Impostor syndrome
  • Emotional exhaustion
  • Difficulty switching off
  • Problems sleeping
  • Persistent feelings of never being “good enough”

Some have spent decades achieving more and more while privately believing they’re only one mistake away from being exposed as inadequate. Others become driven by an almost relentless need to earn approval because, deep down, they never experienced unconditional acceptance during childhood.

Physical Health Can Also Be Affected

The impact of ACEs extends beyond mental health. Long-term activation of the body’s stress response involving chronic high levels of stress hormones can degrade many physiological systems over time.

In addition, children who don’t develop healthy emotional regulation may come to rely on behaviours that temporarily relieve distress. Overeating, substance misuse, compulsive or addictive behaviours, and risky sexual behaviour can provide short-term comfort or escape, even though they may contribute to poorer physical and mental health over time.

Research has shown associations between higher ACE scores and increased risks of conditions such as cardiovascular disease, chronic lung disease, obesity, diabetes, chronic pain, depression, anxiety disorders, substance misuse and poorer overall health in later life.

This doesn’t mean childhood adversity guarantees illness. Rather, it increases risk. Many other factors—including genetics, lifestyle, supportive relationships and timely therapeutic intervention—also influence health outcomes.

Relationships Often Carry the Greatest Burden

One of the most enduring effects of adverse childhood experiences involves adult relationships.

If childhood taught someone that closeness meant criticism, rejection or unpredictability, intimacy can feel both deeply desired and frightening. Some people avoid closeness altogether. Others become excessively dependent.

Some repeatedly choose emotionally unavailable partners because those relationships feel strangely familiar.

These patterns are rarely conscious choices. They’re often the result of attachment strategies that once helped the child adapt to their environment. Understanding these patterns can be one of the first steps towards changing them.

Seeking support for adverse childhood experiences

Can These Patterns Change?

Fortunately, yes.

The brain retains the capacity to change throughout life—a quality known as neuroplasticity.

Modern approaches don’t erase the past. Instead, they help the brain and nervous system learn that the danger has passed.

Therapies such as EMDR, trauma-informed counselling, Neurofeedback, the Tomatis Method, compassion-focused approaches and other evidence-based interventions can help reduce the emotional intensity of traumatic memories, improve emotional regulation, strengthen self-compassion and develop healthier ways of relating to others.

The experiences of childhood may continue to influence us many years later, but they do not have to define the rest of our lives. With greater understanding, appropriate support, and evidence-based therapy, many people discover that meaningful change remains possible at any age.

Seeking Support for Adverse Childhood Experiences

I provide confidential therapy for individuals experiencing long-term effects from adverse childhood experiences.

In my 20 years’ practise as a BACP accredited psychotherapist, I’ve been providing therapy which integrates trauma-informed psychotherapy with other models designed to support emotional regulation and neurological change, including (among others) Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR), Neurofeedback and The Tomatis® Method.

For many people, recovery begins not with shame, blame or an effort of will, but with finally understanding how adverse experiences in childhood unwittingly caused them to become who they are today.

Book a free 15-minute consultation if you’re interested in working with me.

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